I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
