I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
