Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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