Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
ttyl tear gas
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
