after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
