the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize