So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
