I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
