im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize