Well douche your snatch and let's go!
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
