Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
