you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
