i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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