i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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