well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
