1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
True strength comes from lack of pants
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
