Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize