This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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