Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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