so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
