in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
