I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
