I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
This beer is not sobering me up at all
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
