she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
