Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
