Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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