I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
