Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
