Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
50% drunk capacity currently
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
