You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My cat gives me a boner
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize