I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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