I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
