yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I need moral support for this bender
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
