There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
3pm strippers are depressing
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
