dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
