1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize