chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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