I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
