i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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