i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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