I feel great
I just peed on a car
Too much gin, very little bucket
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
