Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the day after is always just damage control
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
