WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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