you turned your livingroom into a bong?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
