she takes plan B like it's going out of style
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
