Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
