oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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