Little spoons don't ask big questions
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
