the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize