Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize