next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
