The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
