Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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