I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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