Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
