oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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