I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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