You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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