chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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