That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
