The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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