Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
