this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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