Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
