I need help removing her.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
