Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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