dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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