I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
