im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
