Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
