Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
