God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
