I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
