He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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