I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
