Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
