Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
