my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm at about main and main street
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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