Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
