It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
