so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
