you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
