Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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