What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize