Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
