I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
