Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
