If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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