I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize