You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize