nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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