When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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