im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
