she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
