Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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