You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Do you still have your period?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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