I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
