I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize