Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Randomize
