as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
