Ambien. No doubt about it.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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