dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
