Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
