between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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