I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
