first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize