A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
