part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
