Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
