Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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