i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
