The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
